Look out you SOB deer.

Please prepare yourselves for this story of my evening. It is quite fucked up and unbelievable..everything I am about to write is completely, 100% factual.

*Please read this as if you were a news reporter.*

At approximately the time of 10:30pm, my good friend Abby Leigh Troyer was traveling from her lovely abode to pick me, Brittany Amber Uhl up where we would then travel back to her house to divulge in conversation and chips and salsa. However, when the clock hit the time of 10:45, as my friend Von Abberstein was on Route 57 a stupid deer who wanted to commit suicide, walked right out in front of her lovely Dodge Neon as she was going a speed of 55 miles per hour. It was quite eventful because according to Abby, she "closed her eyes and slammed on the brakes". Well, it certainly did not lessen the blow because that mother fucker hit her car, flew up off the windshield, landed on the roof and then flew off the back of her car.

Well, I was starting to get worried because she should have arrived by now. I picked up my home telephone and dialed her phone number. When she answered I said, "Are you still alive, cunt breath?" She said, "Yes. I just hit a deer." Soooo, I said, well call me when you get here. At 11:00pm exactly, she arrived and I went down to inspect the damage. Alls I could do is laugh my ass off. The hood of the car is jammed up..there was FUR in the head lights...the roof looked like my fat ass done jumped up and down on it, and there was blood and guts and throw up everywhere. It was quite grotesque. I felt sick.

We then called my mother, Jenny Alma Uhl, who was sleeping in her nice bed. I said, Mom, get down here..Abby hit a deer. What does her ass say? "Well where is it?"

Uh..where is what? Hmm...probably Abby picked the deer up and put the cock sucker in her backseat for safe keeping. So once my mom got her damn head right...I told her about the damage and what did she do? She laughed..she laughed like a fool. Which made us laugh and we were like..Oh well, fuck it and we left my hizzle. We went back by where the suicide took place and she's like..."Wouldn't that be some shit if there was a circle of deer friends around the dead bitch?" I was like "OMG and they would have lighters/candles and wave them in the air..." Basically...we're idiots. The deer done landed in some farmers driveway. So we pulled in and I was like Ohh man..let me take a picture incase you need evidence..she was like, Brittany. There is evidence right here. I was like you're right. Exibit A: Fur in headlight Exibit B: Throw up on car Exibit C, D, E, F: all the dents in your car. Anyways, I still wanted to take a picture. So I got out of the car and walked over to the poor little girl...I felt horrid. I bent down a little bit and took the picture..however...

When the flash went off...THAT SON OF A BITCH WASN'T DEAD! I jumped so high in the air...I swear, if I weren't so white somebody might have thought I was LeBron James in the flesh! I screamed and then started crying hysterically. It was sooooo fucking tragic. I felt like such shit! I mean..the poor little deer...it wasn't crying or anything. So I was like, ABby, we have to call da po po's immediately. Somebody has to shoot it! It's suffering! Well, we called the Statey's to come out and handle the situation...when he got there, it had already passed on to the next life. Thank God. I couldn't have handled them shooting it. Abby told the po po when he saw the blood and stuff..she's like "Do you see this throw up? That deer was so scared it threw up right on my car." HAHHAHAHAHAH! The look on his face...PRICELESS. LMFAO! Oh dear. (literally)

THen we finally made it back to Abby's house at like 1:30 in the morning where her parents yelled at her. We ate a whole jar of salsa...salsa=love since I'm mexican. It was delicious. I watched the movie Thirteen...most fucked up movie ever. Okay..maybe not EVER..but still, quite fucked up. I got to work this morning a little after 10. Yea, I was late...bite me. I'm so tired right now alls I wanna do is lay on the therapy table and sleep. But I'm scared I'll tell some lady that "The dragon will arrive, at half past five." again..and I can't risk that. Abby said this morning she tried to wake me up and she was like, "Brittany." ...no answer...."MCFEARSON!"...no answer..."B-Titty, get your fucking ass up before I give you a titty twister."....I said, "Can't you see me?"

LOL! I tell you..I am seriously fucked up in the morning. Who says that? "Can't you see me?" Hahaha! Wow. Well, that was my Thursday night. Tonight, I ain't doing anything. I'm going home and going to fucking sleep, damnit. Hopefully my Saturday will go smoother. Oh, and I just found out I have to work every single damn day next week...nice of them huh? Nice of them to inform me of this on a Friday...sooooo sincere..thanks Darryl Hancock..seriously, I thank you.

I love you, and goodbye.

McFearson, out.