Thanks and Goodbyes

You guys...you mean soooo much to me! I love you all so freaking much! I can't believe how open I can be with you all and I haven't even met you! It's awesome! I love that I can come on here and ask for support and advice and nobody judges me on it. That means so much..you can rarely find friends like that in "the real world". So thank you.

The following is sad, so be forewarned. I went a little nuts and just typed and typed my heart out. So yes, I went overboard..but you guys know I tend to do that sometimes...

My Grandma passed away on February 26 at around 6:30pm. It happened really fast, faster than anybody really could have imagined. The thing was, she was in her house and I'm so glad she was able to be in her house. The weird thing is, you all know how I have a very weak stomach. I had been holding her hand (she was unresponsive) for like half an hour and it was like 6:15pm when I got up to go in the bedroom and lay down. I could tell her breathing was changing and I made that comment to my cousin, and he agreed. The thing was I could feel her squeeze my hand every once in a while, I don't know if it was her, aware of me being there, or if it was a spasm.

So I went back and laid down and no sooner had I started to drift off, everyone started yelling. "BRITTANY, GET OUT HERE NOW! HURRY!" I thought I was dreaming at first b/c when I sleep I get sooo fucking loony sometimes and it takes me a minute to come back to reality, but when the yelling didn't stop, I jumped up, ran down the hallway, to see almost my entire family (about 20 people) around her bed, just bawling like maniacs. I pushed my way up to the bed and grabbed her hand again. It was sooo insane because everything was going so fast and I just wanted it to slow the fuck down! I heard "We still have a pulse, not much, but it's there." "Where's Herb (my great uncle, her son)" "Come on mom, don't leave me." All I could do was stare at her. She looked so small and peaceful laying there. I was holding her hand. She hadn't taken a breath in like 20 seconds, but suddenly she took one, right as Herb came running in. It was seriously like a scene out of a movie. We all sort of cleared a spot for him, he took her hand and said something like, "Mama, I'm here, it's okay." Then he broke down. The thing is, my Uncle Herb is a man who rides Harley Davidson bikes and is a hardcore dude, when he started crying like a baby...it was like Pandemonium 2007. She didn't take another breath, she had been waiting for him to get there before she could go.

The only thing I could do, was immediately start The Lord's Prayer. It was so powerful. To hear my cousins, ages 4-27, my aunts and uncles, my mom...to hear that prayer being spoken so loudly, through all the tears...I have never felt anything so intense in my life. The thing that happened next..I mean, I knew she was dead, but suddenly it hit me, and it hit me hard. I kind of backed away, my cousin Orrie looked at me and he could tell by the lack of color in my face what was gonna happen. I heard him saying "Britt, Britt, sit down." He rushed over to me, right as my knees gave out and sort of pulled me over to the couch and I just sat on his lap and cried. I was feeling sick to my stomach, because, hello..I just saw somebody die. I can't get over that. It was just too much to handle.

We left like an hour later, I didn't want to be there when Hospice came to take her away. I couldn't be there for that. The calling hours/funeral will be hard enough. I have been writing something to say at the service, it will be hard, but I feel I need to do it. When I have it written, I'll post it. I owe my Grandma atleast that.

Here is a picture of my Great Grandma and Great Grandpa...

Together again.

True Love <3

So thanks again you guys, for everything. The greatest feeling is coming home from a shitty day, signing onto our forum/blog/msn and getting to talk to you guys and just laugh my ass off, with no worries. I love you all!

Mwah
Brittany