Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Penis.

Okay y'all.... this should be a blast! The name of the game says it all.... all you have to do is copy this bulletin into a new one. Take the name of a movie and replace one of the words with PENIS.

You can post more than one if it's funny as hell...here's some to start you off that I thought were damn funny...

Charlie and the Chocolate Penis
How to Lose a Penis in 10 Days
Saving Private Penis
The Penis Diaries
Harold and Kumar Go To Penis Castle
Tenacious D: The Penis of Destiny
The 40 Year old Penis
Lord of The Penises
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Penises
The Never Ending Penis
South Penis: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

Got some good ones?? I have a feeling this could go from zero to fuckin' hilarious in about 8.2 seconds....


Oh, and here is a convo I had w/Abberstein after I made this blog..I had to put it on here..it's just too fuckin' good.


hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:18:27 PM): what was that song we heard in the car the other day
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:18:28 PM): and we were like
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:18:29 PM): damn

MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:18:41 PM): umm
MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:18:47 PM): i dont know what its called or who its by
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:18:56 PM): well that gets us far
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:18:59 PM): hahaha
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:19:03 PM): what were some of the lyrics

MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:19:11 PM): idk
MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:19:36 PM): lol yeah that went well
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:19:56 PM): im glad we were able to get that situated. i feel soo much better about the whole discussion.
MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:20:31 PM): i really do too... i mean i was skeptical at first, then we talked about it and everything seemed so much better.
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:21:06 PM): i agree..it's such a relief we can talk about such big things like that and keep our cool..it just amazes me every single time
MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:21:36 PM): EVERY time. its crazy that two people can bring that kind of emotion out about things & still stay friends. its just amazing.
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:22:10 PM): Abby, you just blow me away...to just be so straight forward and honest with me about not knowing the song..I appreciate that from the bottom of my heart.
MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:22:59 PM): ya know my truthfulness comes straight from my heart. i Just feel that there are some things in life u cannot lie to ur friends about .and that is one of them. it kills me when people cant talk to there friends about that kind of stuff....just kills me.
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:23:50 PM): actually, to be honest, it's disgusting. it makes me want to throw up...how can you have friends when you can't even be that serious with them about stuff? MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:24:48 PM): ESPECIALLY THAT. i mean come on. What kind of friend is that? its just ridiculous & makes me sick to my god damn stomach, mcfearson
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:26:37 PM): OMG ABBY. You're soooo right. That's the kind of friend that deserves to have their snot box busted up by my fuckin' right hook, which I guess makes them not my friend at all when they sittin' at the goddamn emergency room w/a broken/bloody nose, and Ima say, I'll ask you one more fucking time. Tell me straight up or I swear to God himself I will smack you more times than Tina Turner got hit in her whole fucking life.
MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:27:07 PM): hahah
MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:27:09 PM): quit
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:27:11 PM): HAHAHAH
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:27:18 PM): im laughing so hard
MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:27:27 PM): lol
MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:27:29 PM): we are so dumb
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:27:30 PM): omg i know
hArDhiTtiNbriTt9 (1:27:32 PM): woo
MiSpLacEdDrEaMs6 (1:27:37 PM): lol

You gotta be laughing now...have a terrific Tuesday everybody!!! Yay!!

love you!
Btits

Monday, March 19, 2007

Yay for St. Patrick's Day!

I can't write all about it right now..it's almost four am and I basically got like four hours of sleep last night/this morning...

So yea! Those are some pics from The McFearson Adventures.

Tricia..you were like, "So..Brittany..you're tits are MASSIVE!!!!" HAHAHAHAHA! Well..I tried to tell you guys...I wasn't shitting you either. They are large and in charge! Damnit!

Have a wonderful Monday...Ohhh! Prison Break tonight! Woot!

Much love.
Britters

Friday, March 16, 2007

Look out you SOB deer.

Please prepare yourselves for this story of my evening. It is quite fucked up and unbelievable..everything I am about to write is completely, 100% factual.

*Please read this as if you were a news reporter.*

At approximately the time of 10:30pm, my good friend Abby Leigh Troyer was traveling from her lovely abode to pick me, Brittany Amber Uhl up where we would then travel back to her house to divulge in conversation and chips and salsa. However, when the clock hit the time of 10:45, as my friend Von Abberstein was on Route 57 a stupid deer who wanted to commit suicide, walked right out in front of her lovely Dodge Neon as she was going a speed of 55 miles per hour. It was quite eventful because according to Abby, she "closed her eyes and slammed on the brakes". Well, it certainly did not lessen the blow because that mother fucker hit her car, flew up off the windshield, landed on the roof and then flew off the back of her car.

Well, I was starting to get worried because she should have arrived by now. I picked up my home telephone and dialed her phone number. When she answered I said, "Are you still alive, cunt breath?" She said, "Yes. I just hit a deer." Soooo, I said, well call me when you get here. At 11:00pm exactly, she arrived and I went down to inspect the damage. Alls I could do is laugh my ass off. The hood of the car is jammed up..there was FUR in the head lights...the roof looked like my fat ass done jumped up and down on it, and there was blood and guts and throw up everywhere. It was quite grotesque. I felt sick.

We then called my mother, Jenny Alma Uhl, who was sleeping in her nice bed. I said, Mom, get down here..Abby hit a deer. What does her ass say? "Well where is it?"

Uh..where is what? Hmm...probably Abby picked the deer up and put the cock sucker in her backseat for safe keeping. So once my mom got her damn head right...I told her about the damage and what did she do? She laughed..she laughed like a fool. Which made us laugh and we were like..Oh well, fuck it and we left my hizzle. We went back by where the suicide took place and she's like..."Wouldn't that be some shit if there was a circle of deer friends around the dead bitch?" I was like "OMG and they would have lighters/candles and wave them in the air..." Basically...we're idiots. The deer done landed in some farmers driveway. So we pulled in and I was like Ohh man..let me take a picture incase you need evidence..she was like, Brittany. There is evidence right here. I was like you're right. Exibit A: Fur in headlight Exibit B: Throw up on car Exibit C, D, E, F: all the dents in your car. Anyways, I still wanted to take a picture. So I got out of the car and walked over to the poor little girl...I felt horrid. I bent down a little bit and took the picture..however...

When the flash went off...THAT SON OF A BITCH WASN'T DEAD! I jumped so high in the air...I swear, if I weren't so white somebody might have thought I was LeBron James in the flesh! I screamed and then started crying hysterically. It was sooooo fucking tragic. I felt like such shit! I mean..the poor little deer...it wasn't crying or anything. So I was like, ABby, we have to call da po po's immediately. Somebody has to shoot it! It's suffering! Well, we called the Statey's to come out and handle the situation...when he got there, it had already passed on to the next life. Thank God. I couldn't have handled them shooting it. Abby told the po po when he saw the blood and stuff..she's like "Do you see this throw up? That deer was so scared it threw up right on my car." HAHHAHAHAHAH! The look on his face...PRICELESS. LMFAO! Oh dear. (literally)

THen we finally made it back to Abby's house at like 1:30 in the morning where her parents yelled at her. We ate a whole jar of salsa...salsa=love since I'm mexican. It was delicious. I watched the movie Thirteen...most fucked up movie ever. Okay..maybe not EVER..but still, quite fucked up. I got to work this morning a little after 10. Yea, I was late...bite me. I'm so tired right now alls I wanna do is lay on the therapy table and sleep. But I'm scared I'll tell some lady that "The dragon will arrive, at half past five." again..and I can't risk that. Abby said this morning she tried to wake me up and she was like, "Brittany." ...no answer...."MCFEARSON!"...no answer..."B-Titty, get your fucking ass up before I give you a titty twister."....I said, "Can't you see me?"

LOL! I tell you..I am seriously fucked up in the morning. Who says that? "Can't you see me?" Hahaha! Wow. Well, that was my Thursday night. Tonight, I ain't doing anything. I'm going home and going to fucking sleep, damnit. Hopefully my Saturday will go smoother. Oh, and I just found out I have to work every single damn day next week...nice of them huh? Nice of them to inform me of this on a Friday...sooooo sincere..thanks Darryl Hancock..seriously, I thank you.

I love you, and goodbye.

McFearson, out.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

sOme stuff!

Tricia..keep your fucking man's hand off my boob. Damnit.
My little computer buddies. Tbag's hand and my little dog like creature who's name is Louie. I love him.

So this is why my friends call me a nerd.


Myself and the Freak Nasty Von Abbersteiner. (Her porn name..thank you Doc.)



So basically...I'll do you, you do me, and then we'll do you and I while we do we.




End of discussion.


I love you. Goodbye.
B-Titty *The Delicious* McFearson






Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Pre much, I'm bored.

ABSOLUTELY NO LYING QUIZ

6. last beverage: water or do they mean alcoholic beverage? In that case, Pinapple Rum. Delicious.

5. last phone call: Momma bear

4. last cd played: Pink's first CD w/Abber

3. last BUBBLE bath: two or three days ago *bubble baths=love*

2. last time you cried: 2 weeks ago

1. last meal: A turkey sandwich for lunchies


6. have you ever dated someone twice? Yea, I'm a dumb dumb

5. have you ever been cheated on?: Yep. It sucks.

4. have you ever kissed someone & regreted it?: Nahh

3. have you ever lost someone?: Yea, in many senses..

2. have you ever been depressed?: When Janine and my favorite Aunt died in the same week..I was pretty fucked in the head..

1. have you ever been drunk and threw up? Not yet...

SIX things you did in the past three days:

1. Went to school: No
2. Went to work: Yes..blah
3. Kissed someone: Nope
4. Watched a movie: Yes! The Number 23!
5. Got drunk: Hahahaha Ohhh man! Yes!
6. Slept: yeah like a rock.


list TWO things you want to do before you die -

1. Marry the man of my dreams and have kids
2. Travel


In the past month did you...

Make one new friend: Yea hahaha

Laughed until you cried: I do that everytime I look on the Prison Break forum

Went behind your parents back: I think?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT:

1. Bush? Nope..not so much.

2. Gay Marriage? I love gay marraige. You can't help who you fall in love with!

3. Lowering the drinking age? I think it should be 18..or 19. 21 is just...fuckin' so far away damnit. Oh well, I drink anyways! ;)

4. Straight, Gay, Bi?: I'm straight...

5. Who are the best hugger(s)? Uhh, probably my Daddeo. I wuv him.

6. Do you believe in love at first sight? I could...

7. Is there something you want to tell someone? Yes.

8. What brand of shirt are you wearing? I don't know the brand..it's a Notre Dame shirt..

9. What were you doing last night? Out w/my freak nasty Abber at The Wal-Mart.

10. Name something you CANNOT wait to do? Travel

11. Last time you saw your father? like yesterday!

13. Which hand do you like better? Personally, I like my right hand better. Hehe!

14. What are you listening to right now? Some music...

15. Have you ever been in love? No, I don't think so.

16. Have you ever donated money to a good cause? Yes ma'am/sir!

17. Have you ever talked about someone behind their back? No, I'm seriously NOT into that.

18. What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone? A cute shirt from The Abbster.

19. Who's getting on your nerves right now? Not anybody, actually.

20. Most visited web page? Yahoo Mail

21. Coke or Pepsi?: Coke and it must be D.I.E.T.

22. Do you have a crush? yes

23. Do you like food? i *hEaRt* food

24. Do you disagree with a lot of things going on in the world? Well, duh!

25. Do you think there's some models/people out there that should gain a couple pounds?
Yea, they probably should eat a cheeseburger and some pizza, immediately.

26. Do you enjoy your friendship with your friends?: I LOVE IT!

27. Are you still friends w/ your ex? Some of em'

28. Would you date an ex again?: Not I

29. Single or Taken? Single

30. Happy about it? Most of the time...


So that's me being bored. Here's an idea. WHy don't you all put it in your blogs so I can read your answers! Pretty please??! No chapter 2 until I see some action going on here...that's a threat! Hehehe!

I love you.
Britt

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Here I am.

Okay guys...I'm sorry I haven't wrote Chapter Two yet. I will soon, before this weekend, I promise. I've just been super duper busy lately...I've been trying to fix my own sex life, not so much write somebody else's. Hehehe!

So..St. Patty's Day is this weekend..Saturday, to be exact. Let me just say this. I work from 6:30-noon on Saturday morning..I'm going home, sleeping like a little bitch beauty, getting up, going to Abby's and I'm not sure what we're doing yet..if we're just gonna go to the same club we were at last weekend..or if we're gonna go up to Toledo to her cousin's bar. See, the thing is, I wanna dance..not just drink! So, I think we'll end up just going to the club around here. Which is A-OKAY with me! :) Tehehe.

I had the worst night of "sleep" last night. I went to lay down at midnight b/c I had to work at 5:30 this morning...well, I was awake every single hour..I finally woke up in a sweat after I had this dream about a man who hated me..he really doesn't hate me..just in the dream he did. So, I had to rip off all my clothes and just lay there in my bra and undies to cool the fuck down. It was 10 til 4 when I woke up. So I said, fuck this shit, yo and I got dressed and left and got to work a full hour early. Best be believing I'm getting paid for it too. I don't give a shit.

OH MY GOD. This is going to sound so wrong on so many levels...but. This amish guy just came in...he wasn't dressed in his normal clothes, I don't think he's amish anymore, but I can identify them immediately by their dutch accents. I wasn't even listening to what he was saying! I was trying to listen to his accent! *slaps self* What is wrong with me. This is just getting downright ridiculous! I need a fix. Seriously.

Tessa. Your accent is so motherfucking sexy..it makes me want to die. So is yours Wendy...Makes me hot as fuckin' hell. I have to go now..and um...well, fluff some pillows, or something like that...

lovin' you.
Miss McFearson.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Chapter One. I love you too....

Well, it had been five days since the incident on the train. Not that I would change what happened, because I loved every second of feeling Michael's hands on my skin, his lips on my lips. So much stuff has happened between us that I'm not sure I could fully give myself to him. I do love him, but it's hard sometimes because of the circumstances. He is an escaped convict, and me? I'm a so called doctor that used to shoot up on morphine and allowed eight men to escape from Fox River Pententiary. It was me, nobody else. I left the door open, thinking it would just be Michael and his brother, Lincoln. But that is in the past, and I'm focusing on the future now.
I told Michael I loved him, and he let me know that he felt the same. God, that man does things to me that are just..indescribable. That stare, that ice cold stare he gives sometimes...I get butterflies in my stomach everytime. He tries to be such a bad ass, but really, deep down, I know he's just a smart engineer, that got caught up doing something for his family.
I'm in this warehouse right now. I'm not even exactly sure where. Lincoln left to go see LJ and Jane before they head to Panama. Michael is sitting across from me, on a table, staring at me. He just said something, but I don't think I heard him, due to my thoughts racing a thousand a minute. I've got my back against the wall, arms crossed over my chest. God, he is beautiful.
"Sara, did you hear what I said?" Mike asked.
"Hmm? Oh, sorry, I was just thinking about some things." I replied.
"Well, what sort of things are you thinking about?" he inquired.
"Just the fact that all this has happened, it just doesn't seem real anymore. I don't know what is real. The fact that I allowed eight convicts to escape from prison, my father is dead, and more people are dying, I just,"
Michael cut her off, "None of that matters. It's done and it's over with. We can't change what happened."
"Yes, I know that Michael, but I can't help but feel hostile towards you. I was doing so well before you came into my life."
I could see the hurt on his face, and immediately wished I hadn't said what I had. I was in love with him, there was no denying it.
"Sara, I've told you many times how much I care about you, and you just leave me out here to dry. I love you." he said convincingly.
"I know. It's just so hard to trust you, I mean, I trust you, but it's so complicated."
I sensed he was getting frusterated...especially when he let out a deep sigh and stood up to walk away. I know he was wondering why I hadn't told him I loved him since the train. We really hadn't even kissed since then, and oh, how I longed to kiss him.
"Michael, wait." I said in a tone that was a bit too loud than I intended.
He turned around and gave me that stare. The stare that makes me melt into a pool of nothingness. Those eyes that make me feel like I'm being in love for the first time. It never gets old, but why can't I just tell him all of this? Why can't I just let it all out?
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************
I heard the desperation in her voice, and I know she wanted to tell me everything she was feeling, but she couldn't just yet. I hate to admit it, but the thing is, I wanted in her pants so bad. I am a gentleman, but I haven't had sex in so long. It's not that I'm desperate, because I do love her, I love her so much. I wanted her so bad.
"What?" I asked her quietly, trying to deceipher the look on her face.
"I don't know. I don't know what I want to say." She said quietly, as her face turned red.
She wants me, I know she does. I can see it in her eyes. Her hair is a mess, she has no make up on, but she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and I want to be with her so badly.
I walked over to her, only a few feet infront of where she is standing. I'm staring right at her now. I can see her eyes are watery and I think she's about to cry. I don't know why, maybe because this is so overwhelming. That's when she freaked out.
"DAMNIT MICHAEL! HOW CAN YOU BE SO PERFECT, YET SO WRONG FOR ME?!", the tears are pouring now and her voice is shaking, "AND HOW DARE YOU JEOPARDIZE MY JOB, MY LIFE THE WAY YOU DID! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" she screamed.
I heard her breathing accelerate and I tried to just touch her, but I felt rage go through my body. Something I never, ever feel.
"YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU AREN'T LITTLE MISS PERFECT EITHER! I DIDN'T WANT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, IT JUST HAPPENED. HERE I AM, PUTTING MY HEART ON THE LINE AND YOU JUST KEEP SHOOTING ME DOWN! MY LIFE WITH YOU MEANS EVERYTHING! I AM MORE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR SAFETY, THAN MY OWN." I said, with my voice raising.
Thats when I saw her, look up at me, with this crazy look in her eyes. She came at me, swinging. She tried to deck me, I knew she was fiesty, but I didn't know it was this bad! I grabbed her right hand, after she hit me in the chest and was going for my face. She wanted to slap me right across the face. I grabbed her hands and backed her up against the wall and pinned them down against the white cement. My face was an inch from hers. We were both breathing hard and feeling things that cannot be described. That's when it happened. She leaned forward and caught my mouth with hers. I didn't release her hands, no other part of our bodies were touching, except our lips. This was more of a rush than climbing across that fucking wire to get over the fence..I've never felt anything so intense before in my life!
I broke the kiss for a moment to stare in her eyes again and I asked her, "What do you want, Sara?"
The response I got...it was only three words. Three words that made my blood boil and my skin burn.
"Fuck me now."
Well, I don't like to disappoint, and if she wants it, by God, she's gonna get it. I grabbed her by her ass and hoisted her legs around my waist. I spun her around and carried her to the table I was sitting on previously. I sat her ass down and I pulled my shirt up over my head. Things were about to get wild.
****************************************************************************************************************************************************
Dear Lord. I am so fucking hot right now. I can already feel myself throbbing down there and he's only removed his shirt. I put my hands straight up and he pulls off my shirt. We're kissing again, his hands are behind my back, undoing my bra. Feeling my bare skin on his is pure bliss. Once my bra comes off, he looks down at me for a minute, when I say minute, I should say second because in an instant, I felt his hands on my breasts, pushing me down onto my back. I felt his lips on my neck, his tongue moving down my collarbone and when I felt the warmth of his mouth on my nipples, they were hard in an instant. I let out a breath of air, wondering why this was feeling so damn good. His hands were unbuttoning my jeans, slipping them over my hips. He stopped ravishing my breasts for a moment, to pull off my pants.
My head was spinning. I was so wet already, I didn't think I could get any wetter without somebody issuing a flood warning! He just..he is amazing! I felt my pants come off along with my panties, and saw him take off his own, including his boxers. We were both in the pure nude now, and when I felt him touch my skin again, he was already in between my legs. I could feel how hard he was, it was not fair to feel his dick down there, without it being in me yet. Suddenly, he was in me. No warning, just there. Of course, I couldn't contain myself and let out the loudest moan I've ever heard in my life. He felt so fucking good! My back was already arching, I couldn't stop it.
****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
She's beautiful, more beautiful than I could have imagined. Initially, I was going to take it slow with her, the first time, but when I got in between her thighs and felt them with my hands, I couldn't contain myself and I had to go for the gold! I wanted to fuck her so hard, and never ever stop. She was so tight, which was good because it made it even more enjoyable. The moan that came out of her mouth when I socked it to her, I could hear the sound for the rest of my life.
i just can't stop looking at her boobs! I bent my body down, over hers and once again, took each nipple in my mouth. The sounds she's making is enough to drive any man to the point of an orgasm in 3 minutes flat. I feel her hands on my back, nails pressing into me. She doesn't have to tell me she wants it harder, I can tell by her body language. I pick up the pace, and with each time I drive myself into her, all the air comes crashing out of her lungs. I am absolutely loving this position, but before I know it, she is pushing me off of her body, and forcing me onto my back. She is full of surprises today. With my dick straight up in the air, she straddles me and comes down onto it so damn hard, I'm pretty sure my pelvis is crushed...I'd be in pain, if she didn't feel so fucking good. I put my hands on her hips and keep pulling her down harder and harder as she grinds on my cock so violently. One of her hands is running through her hair and the other is lost in between her legs, rubbing her clit.
I can tell she's so close to coming...but I never want it to end. I want to cum in her so fucking hard that it blows her right away.
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
How is it possible that a man's dick can be this huge and this fucking delicious? I feel his hands on my ass and I don't want to stop rocking his body. I know I told him that I wanted a filet mignon, but right now, he's the only peice of fucking man meat I want for the rest of my life!
He is slamming me down on himself so hard, I can't take it anymore. Words are coming out of my mouth, but they aren't making the slightest bit of sense..mostly they are combinations of the words, "God." "Shit." and "Fuck." I can feel myself about to cum and I just start screaming and moaning so loud, this really gets Mike going and he is thrusting his hips up now, while still pulling me down. Finally, I just have to yell, "JESUS CHRIST, IM COMING! IM COMING!"
I feel what is the most powerful sensation I have ever felt in my life before. My whole body is shaking and my breathing is so not normal that it would probably alarm quite a few people in the medical field. As a doctor, I am not sure if this is normal or not! I am still shaking so hard when I hear him groaning, still not slowing down the tempo on me one bit.
***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
When I feel Sara's body shake like that..there is no holding back any longer. She's probably wondering how much longer I'm going to fuck her, and I never want to stop, but my body is saying something different. I just have to let out a deep groan as I pull her down for the last time, exploding deep inside of her. She lets out an "Ohhh" when she feels my cum in her, and I know she loves it. She's still lightly grinding on me, before she just collapses on top of my chest and rolls over beside me, breathing and heartbeats are still far, far from normal.
I want to talk, say something, but no words, no sentences will make sense right now. All I can say is, "I love you." and finally, I hear, in an exasperated voice, "I love you too."




AHHHHHHHH! So that's Chapter One! Hope you girls like it..now go finger yourselves, I know you're going to! Tell me what you think!

Love you!
Britt